More Motivation Required

Lately, by which I mean the last several months, I have had a hard time motivating myself to be a better person. I don't exercise like I should, eat like I should, or do other things I should (which I won't go into since this post is about weight-loss).

Now, I'll tell you the truth: I'm not a happy camper. My life is so distorted by debt and work, and dominated by sleepiness and needs, that I can hardly do what I am doing. And the thought of adding more tips my mental stability meter dangerously towards bathing with the toaster.

Someone make me run...please?

Why I Want to Lose the LBS

For the second day in a row, I am stealing from 125. I'm not sorry for it. I figure the link counts as adequate payment.

Now to my highly organized and bulleted list of the reasons I want to lose weight. Just to inform you all, every item listed is something I have thought long and hard about, not just made up to blog about. We both (my one reader and I) know that I would never stoop so low.

• I want to FEEL healthy. The difference between how I felt 9 months ago and today is about as drastic as I can imagine. I couldn't run more that a dozen meters, I felt tired and sluggish and all I ever wanted was to stuff my face with junk food. Now, though tired from lack of sleep, I can run for miles without a problem, I am stronger and feel fitter. I am more agile and get sick less. I imagine that losing the rest of the weight will be another, somewhat less drastic, change.
• I want to LOOK better. I will never be a handsome man, no matter how healthy I am. I would literally need more help than modern medicine is prepared to give, at any price. I wasn't blessed with good looks to begin with, and the mutilation of my face with a freeway didn't exactly make it better (although, the face scars automatically qualified me for a Man Card at an early age). However, I do think that I can have a good looking body. Despite my advanced years, I really want to see my six-pack again. I know it's in there somewhere.
• I want to be judged positively. This is a weird one, I know. I have seen for years, and participated in it as well (much to my shame), the judgement of people based on appearance. Just about everyone does it. It's wrong, whether they judge nicely or not. Since I know people will judge me based on my looks, I want to have a physique that will cause them to judge me as hard working, intelligent, etc. Overweight people are immediately judged by most people to be lazy and ignorant. It's wrong, and doesn't apply to any overweight person I know. But there it is.
• Don't let the kids/prudes read this one. Consider yourself warned. I want better sex. Healthy skinny people have better sex. Plain and simple. My sex life and satisfaction has improved as my wife and I have lost weight. I assume that I can get even better. And perhaps more acrobatic. *wink*
• I want to be an athlete. I want to run faster, jump higher, and lift more. I want to run in 5k's, 10k's, half-marathons, and even (*shudder*) marathons. Well, maybe just marathon. And I want to learn Kung Fu.
• I've always seen myself as a protector. Or, I guess I should say, I have always felt that it is my calling to protect others. So much so, that I almost joined the military. Obese people aren't protectors. They cannot move fast enough to respond to danger. I've seen it, so don't argue. There are obviously varying degrees of obesity, however, the better shape you are in, the more equipped you are to act in a given situation.
• I want to help other people lose weight. I don't want to be a personal trainer. But, perhaps people who knew me fat will see me skinny and ask me how I did it. And when I tell them "eating right and exercise," they won't get snarky and slink away.
• It's part of my overall health plan, which also includes spiritual, mental, and social healths. I live by a relatively strict health code, and though not expressly forbidden, I believe that living within a healthy weight range is implicit.
• To prove the nay-sayers wrong. There are two kinds of nay-sayer. The first kind says it can't be done. Such as "you will never reach your goal of ___ lbs." The second kind says it doesn't need to be done. They say such things as "you don't have any more weight to lose." Both drag you down and demotivate you. I will do it, of for no other reason (even though I just list like 7) than to flash my six pack and say "I did it, $%@$#-canoe."
• I want to set a good example for my children. This one is pretty straight forward. The best way for my kids to learn how to live a healthy life is by my teaching them. Setting the right example is a major part in that.

So, some of my reasons are pretty shallow. Some, I hope, are not-so-shallow. This is my first time ever listing my reasons for losing weight. In written form, at least. It proved to pretty cathartic.

If you read this (then I'm married to you, haha), please let me know what you think.

Oh, and I need to add pictures to my posts more often, so here you go:

And if you buy me the shirt that this is from, I'll love you forever. Seriously.

"What Caused You to Get Fat?"

On one of the forums that I frequent, one geared towards weight-loss and healthy living, someone asked the question “What caused you to get fat?” Instead of answering there, I thought I’d blog about it.

I read through a slew of excuses. People blamed kids, injuries, over-eating, depression, laziness, and even gremlins. You can go read the thread here. Or just skip it. I would.

The thing is, no my own weight gain sneaked up on me. I gained weight because I wasn't paying attention. One day, I was the picture of health. The next day, a few years later, I was a mush ball of goo, more like a picture of fuzzy jello. That isn't exactly true, and there were many contributing factors, including the above mentioned (except maybe the gremlins). But the biggest contributor was that I wasn't living my life. Life was running me, and I was just going through the motions.

I can't say that one day I just woke up and said "@$%&, I'm fat!" Because I didn't. I didn't even wake up and say "@$%&, I'm not living my life!" It was a long process. Or, I should say, it has been and continues to be a long process.

I started waking up around Christmas 2010, and still doing so. And it is changing my whole life, not just my fitness level. I slide, on occasion, or often, back into old habits. Much of this week has been like that, leaving me pretty angry with myself.

That's how I got fat.