Life, as opposed to...

A Love Tap | Break.com

The above video is just awesome. And a little inspiring on the same thread as the rest of this post.

I spent a good chunk of today at a funeral. Someone close to me, and close to people close to me, died recently in tragic fashion. As I sat there, isolated from everyone I knew as loved one after loved one got up to talk about this person, I got to thinking. Selfishly, it wasn't about the man for whom I was there to pay homage, but about myself. I know, add it to the list.

Well, I realized something: I want to live a spectacular life. What do I want people to say about me when I pass? I want them to say "That guy really lived!" And maybe, if I'm lucky, they'll then shake their heads and add, "And what a way to go!"

You see, I'm no activist. I don't need to change the whole world. I don't feel particularly driven to right the wrongs of society or champion the underdog. My only legacy, at least the only one that matters to me, is in the few dozen loved ones that will miss me when I'm gone. Okay, a 'few dozen might' be a little generous. I don't want to be the guy that was always working and always tired. I don't want my kids to say I yelled to much or didn't play with them enough. I don't want my wife to say that I wasn't there for her, attentive enough, or loving enough. I want to revel in the successes of those around me as much or more than my own. I want to risk much and enjoy the failure as much as the win. I want to really learn how to play the guitar.

The man who we honored to day was a man who excelled at living. He had some demons that overcame him, which is what led us to today. But while he was alive, that man lived. I wish I had taken notes, or a lesson or two, when I had the chance.

I have no excuse for mediocrity. I wasn't born for it, but I have never really forsaken it. There is a certain comfortableness in being average, in the middle ground. It's almost as though it's where we ought to be, as most people are. But...It's not for me. I want to learn to hate those words: Average. Mediocre. Normal. I want to be described as amazing, extraordinary, or spectacular. No longer will I mill about in the dismal ranks of the many. I shall push forward to the high ground, where footing isn't as firm, but the view is magnificent.

Come with me, if you dare.

Venn Zen

Here's some Venn Diagrams to lighten up your Friday afternoon:

11.11.11

Ahhh....Friday...except that I still have to work tomorrow. It still sort of feels like the launch of a weekend. Then Saturday comes and I realize I was deluded and the circle continues.

Anyway, I stumbled on this trailer today:




My first thought was that I'm glad that they didn't make Snow White out to be the weak stereotype princess of Disney fame. They made her a warrior chick. It's a similar treatment to the one the new Alice in Wonderland received. Other than that, you can't really tell much about the plot. Though, it's probably safe to assume the general plot is the same:
Narcissistic queen tries to kill pretty girl.
Pretty girl shacks up with some short guys in the woods.
Narcissistic queen finds pretty girl and kills her.
Prince guy kills queen.
Prince guy brings her back to life with magic kisses.
Pretty zombie girl and prince guy get married.

In an unrelated note, I learned today that the number 11 is mathematically awesome. for example:
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
11 x 11 x 11 = 1331
111 x 111 x 111 = 1367631
11 x 111 x 1111 = 1356531
11 x 111111111 = 1222222221

Seriously. How awesome is that? Eleven (or similar numbers comprised solely of 1s) always makes a palindrome when multiplied by itself. Always.

Oh yeah, and today has something to do with military people too. Armistice Day or Veterans day, I think.

Thanks, Vets!

Spay and neuter your pets and weird relatives.

One More Thing...

I've decided I am definitely too busy and too tired to accomplish my NaNoWriMo goal. I guess there's always next year. I should have known better than to get all ambitious and life-changey. Lesson learned.

I'm not depressed, so if that last paragraph led you to think that, then I'm sorry. And here's a little song to cheer you up, unless you're not a geek, in which case it will probably depress you:

I spent the last few evenings building shelves for my wife. Technically, I guess, they're for my in-laws. Sure glad that is over though. Usually I really like building things, but at this point in my life, anything above what I absolutely have to do is daunting. Like writing somewhat regularly, for example.

Also, this:

And this:

The Best 10 Years

I have been married for <==== that long. Today is Tauni's and my 10 year anniversary. Double digits, baby!

It's kind of interesting to look back over the last 10 years. 2010 was the worst we'd had. 2011 started out just as bad but has gotten better. We had some rough spots, on occasion, but the overwhelming majority of our life together has been wonderful. We, through inspiration, were able to squeeze two wonderful girls into this world before infertility problems hit us. If's we'd done as the world suggests and waited "until we were ready", we'd be kid-less right now.

Ben and Tauni in their naively idealistic youth. 

Tauni, you are the love of my life. After ten years of being with you, I love more than ever. I still look at you sometimes and think "How did I get such a wonderful wife?" I'm convinced I tricked you into marrying me and you're just to lazy to leave me now. :-) You are beautiful, kind, loving, and honest. You always put others first, especially the kids and I. You inspire me to be better. Thank you, for loving me (I almost broke into a Bryan Adams song right there, but I resisted).



Anyway. the time at the top of this post will keep counting up. I hope we never have to stop it.

Here's a bunch of random pics from the last 10 years, most of them are from the last 3...but oh well...

Proof that our girls were once much, much cuter. Why'd they have to grow up?

Me, giving in to my zombie tendencies. Yup, that's a human brain.

I used to fly airplanes. Don't ask me about it, it's kind of a touchy subject.

Here we are at the highest point in Oklahoma.

The NaNoWriMo 2011

I've decided to participate in this year's NaNoWriMo. That's the somewhat quirky abbreviation for the National Novel Writing Month. As a participant, I will be attempting to write writing a 50k word novel in 30 days.

I have always been somewhat lazy in my writing, getting out a paragraph here or there. But I sat down a pounded out 1641 words yesterday. For me, it is a lot. And, I really like how my story is evolving so far. I am pretty excited about it. Hopefully the motivation can continue through this extremely busy month.

I could definitely use some more friends to encourage me. So, if you are interested in writing a novel, join me. There are all sorts of social events associated with the month long project. Sadly, I'll be too busy to participate in any of the write-ins or other gatherings. But write, I shall do.

I will throw out some snippets of my writing onto my blog here, on occasion. I'll try not to make excused for how much it sucks, if you'll remember that I am merely working on a very rough draft.

IT!

I just have to say: I love working in IT. Really. I love it. It gives me an out for my geek-ness. I get to socialize in some way with everyone in the company at one time or another. I honestly enjoy working with computers. I have to learn new things, like how to setup an office domain in more than one physical location so that it works like it is one network. And I love it!

I could use a few more $$ an hour though. ;-)

Awesome Stuff I Found on the Internets Today

As I peruse the internet for things that interest me, I gather little tidbits, photos, videos, and such. Here are a few that I've found the last few days that I have yet to associate with a blog post:

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month:

It made me more aware.

As an 'old geek' I find this comic hilarious:

Remember to always take your picture with the Flash:

Officially the best pumpkin carving EVER:

Sick!

It has finally happened. I am sick. I'm sure I have the beginnings of a flu, or flu-like illness. The in-laws we visited 2 days ago are all sick today, and my body is super achy, I am more tired than ever, and I spent all morning concentrating on not puking.

The nausea got better as the day progressed, so I am hopeful...

I just can't miss work. Either of them. So, even if I'm puking out vital organ bits, I have to be up at 1:30am to go to FedEx. My 14 hour day is not optional, and therefore, I cannot be sick, whether I am or not.

:-(

Am I the 99%?

I have debt. I have lots of debt. I have soul-crushing amounts of debt. I lie in bed at night stressing it. It affects my relationships through lack of sleep and an over abundance of stress. I work 70 hours a week just to drown more slowly.

I guess I am part of the 99%.

But then, I wonder...

No one forced debt upon me. All if it is in direct result of decisions I made. Although, some of it was taken on with certain plans in mind, like career opportunities that are no longer possible. Some was taken on because I had an extremely sick wife, and doctors like to be paid. Some was built up slowly over a long period of unemployment, and then another, albeit shorter one, a few months later.

I guess that makes me a hybrid.

I have debt that I naively assumed. I didn't understand where it would lead, and I was fooled by false promises. My fault.

I have debt that life circumstance forced me into. I saw no other alternatives, and I still don't.

Am I angry at the system that facilitated my financial ruin, like those 'occupy' people? Yeah. Hell yeah!

But...

I am angry at myself, too. I'm angry at myself for not learning more about the consequences before signing. I was short-sighted and greedy and gullible.

I suffer and my family suffers. I have been a burden to my loved ones.

It's my fault. Not solely my fault. But I'd say at least 60% my fault.

I think one of the major problems with people today is the inability to take responsibility for their decisions. You have to place blame where blame is due.

Geek on Geek Analysis

geek  (ɡiːk)
— n
1.	a person who is preoccupied with or very knowledgeable about computing
2.	a boring and unattractive social misfit
3.	a degenerate

4. (I added this one) Someone who likes something.

The word 'geek' has evolved somewhat to include more than just those of us that love computers and technology. There are now various sects of geek-dom, such as sports geeks, various movies geeks, and fashion geeks.

Now, some of these geeks prefer to use other names, like 'fashionista' or 'couch potato'. In fact, sports geeks in particular get pretty mad when you refer to them as such. But let's keep it real here. 

Geeks is what they is.

I am an old school geek. I love computers and Star Wars. The two originators of geek-dom. I guess we can throw Star Trek in there as an originator as well. But then all these other non-geeks saw our enjoyment of our geekiness and adopted it into their own interests.

Geeks, historically, have shared at least a common understanding of the overall premise of geek-dom. While we may not like the same thing, we still understood each other. And any rivalry (like with those stupid trekkies) was mostly in good fun.

However, there is quite a bit of real ire between some geek factions today. For example, PC/Droid geeks and Apple geeks. Or Sports geeks and any other geek. It's sad, really, that that basic understanding of one another is gone in some circles.

Really, I have no point to this post. I just wanted to post the pic and video.

So, what are your opinions on geeks? What kind of geek are you? What kind of geek do you hate? Do my rambling posts bother you?

I Was Maybe a Little Hasty

I have been trying to accomplish the new goals I set for myself. Really, I have.

Life, however, is still getting the better of me.

I decided a slight revision of the goals is in order.

My new goals...goal...is to quit FedEx Ground. All other goals, while of super importance to me, will wait until this one goal is achieved. I will do it, and hopefully soon.

Until then, I will try not to be a zombie the best I can.

A World of Difference

I'm somewhat saddened by the way I've been living for the past few months. I was overwhelmed and had to let some things go by the wayside. Unfortunately, it was some of the things I needed most in my life that I let go.

I didn't ditch my family, if that's what you're thinking. What I did ditch was my exercise and healthy eating habits.

I have to tell you, though, it's a lot harder to get back into healthy habits than it is to stay in them. I am so sore today that any movement is excruciating. But, that's what happens when let your muscles go dormant and then shock them with a surprise workout.. I've been so addicted to sugars lately too, I am actually having withdrawal. I'd punch a nun for a carbohydrate right now.

And it's only day 2. Seriously.

As far as my goals go, I've not written as much as I think I need to. I'll work on it.

Oh, and then there's caffeine. How I miss it! What was I thinking giving it up?

Moving Forward

I have recently, in an effort to make my life a little more fulfilling, set some new goals. They are a few things that  I want to do, and that I think will make my life better.

Here they are:

1. Run in and finish the Utah Valley Marathon on June 9, 2012. If I can also qualify for the Boston Marathon at the same time, that'd be shiny.
2. Exercise 6 days a week. This should really be a sub-bullet to #1, since they are pretty closely tied. 
3. Get a six-pack. Abs, not beer. Also maybe tied to #s 1 and 2. 
4. Write a book. A novel, really. And, though not specifically one of my goals, I would hope to get it published as well.
5. Write every day. Again, a goal tied to the one above it. But I won't make the big ones without the small ones. Hopefully I can get this blogging thing down a little better as well.
6. Buy a house. You know, to live in.
7. Forsake caffeine. Forever.
8. Graduate from College. This one is a tough one. I don't believe that the established collegiate education system is in any way a good one. But, after you jump through their hoops, they give you some fancy TP with your name on. That worthless piece of paper somehow makes you earn more money in life.
9. Research, develop, and implement a retirement preparation plan. Sure, I probably wont live that long, but it's better safe than sorry. And I want my loved ones taken care of.
10. Find a way to serve someone everyday. There's nothing like taking the focus of your life of your self to gain a little perspective. I also truly believe that loving and helping others is the only way to make it into the upper echelons of heaven.

That, Ladies and Gents, is my list of goals for the foreseeable future. I am sure that things will be added and taken away as life moves forward. But, you can only really say that you are moving forward if you've actually established a direction you want to go. It's time to stop wandering.

More Motivation Required

Lately, by which I mean the last several months, I have had a hard time motivating myself to be a better person. I don't exercise like I should, eat like I should, or do other things I should (which I won't go into since this post is about weight-loss).

Now, I'll tell you the truth: I'm not a happy camper. My life is so distorted by debt and work, and dominated by sleepiness and needs, that I can hardly do what I am doing. And the thought of adding more tips my mental stability meter dangerously towards bathing with the toaster.

Someone make me run...please?

Updated Pages Bar ^^^

I added a bunch of nifty links to other websites where my stuff is posted. Check them out if you get a chance.

Why I Want to Lose the LBS

For the second day in a row, I am stealing from 125. I'm not sorry for it. I figure the link counts as adequate payment.

Now to my highly organized and bulleted list of the reasons I want to lose weight. Just to inform you all, every item listed is something I have thought long and hard about, not just made up to blog about. We both (my one reader and I) know that I would never stoop so low.

• I want to FEEL healthy. The difference between how I felt 9 months ago and today is about as drastic as I can imagine. I couldn't run more that a dozen meters, I felt tired and sluggish and all I ever wanted was to stuff my face with junk food. Now, though tired from lack of sleep, I can run for miles without a problem, I am stronger and feel fitter. I am more agile and get sick less. I imagine that losing the rest of the weight will be another, somewhat less drastic, change.
• I want to LOOK better. I will never be a handsome man, no matter how healthy I am. I would literally need more help than modern medicine is prepared to give, at any price. I wasn't blessed with good looks to begin with, and the mutilation of my face with a freeway didn't exactly make it better (although, the face scars automatically qualified me for a Man Card at an early age). However, I do think that I can have a good looking body. Despite my advanced years, I really want to see my six-pack again. I know it's in there somewhere.
• I want to be judged positively. This is a weird one, I know. I have seen for years, and participated in it as well (much to my shame), the judgement of people based on appearance. Just about everyone does it. It's wrong, whether they judge nicely or not. Since I know people will judge me based on my looks, I want to have a physique that will cause them to judge me as hard working, intelligent, etc. Overweight people are immediately judged by most people to be lazy and ignorant. It's wrong, and doesn't apply to any overweight person I know. But there it is.
• Don't let the kids/prudes read this one. Consider yourself warned. I want better sex. Healthy skinny people have better sex. Plain and simple. My sex life and satisfaction has improved as my wife and I have lost weight. I assume that I can get even better. And perhaps more acrobatic. *wink*
• I want to be an athlete. I want to run faster, jump higher, and lift more. I want to run in 5k's, 10k's, half-marathons, and even (*shudder*) marathons. Well, maybe just marathon. And I want to learn Kung Fu.
• I've always seen myself as a protector. Or, I guess I should say, I have always felt that it is my calling to protect others. So much so, that I almost joined the military. Obese people aren't protectors. They cannot move fast enough to respond to danger. I've seen it, so don't argue. There are obviously varying degrees of obesity, however, the better shape you are in, the more equipped you are to act in a given situation.
• I want to help other people lose weight. I don't want to be a personal trainer. But, perhaps people who knew me fat will see me skinny and ask me how I did it. And when I tell them "eating right and exercise," they won't get snarky and slink away.
• It's part of my overall health plan, which also includes spiritual, mental, and social healths. I live by a relatively strict health code, and though not expressly forbidden, I believe that living within a healthy weight range is implicit.
• To prove the nay-sayers wrong. There are two kinds of nay-sayer. The first kind says it can't be done. Such as "you will never reach your goal of ___ lbs." The second kind says it doesn't need to be done. They say such things as "you don't have any more weight to lose." Both drag you down and demotivate you. I will do it, of for no other reason (even though I just list like 7) than to flash my six pack and say "I did it, $%@$#-canoe."
• I want to set a good example for my children. This one is pretty straight forward. The best way for my kids to learn how to live a healthy life is by my teaching them. Setting the right example is a major part in that.

So, some of my reasons are pretty shallow. Some, I hope, are not-so-shallow. This is my first time ever listing my reasons for losing weight. In written form, at least. It proved to pretty cathartic.

If you read this (then I'm married to you, haha), please let me know what you think.

Oh, and I need to add pictures to my posts more often, so here you go:

And if you buy me the shirt that this is from, I'll love you forever. Seriously.

I'm In!

On another blog I read, the author is re-committing herself to weight-loss. I, also, am in dire need of some weight-loss re-commitment.


You see, back at Christmas time of last year (2010, the year from hell), I finally got fed up with myself and how I looked and felt. So, I started losing weight. I lost 45 lbs. in 5 months. Which is pretty dang good, if I do say so myself.


But things like job loss, lack of familial support, new jobs, and utter exhaustion have all conspired to derail me from my continued shrinkitude. And in the last few months I have lost no weight, and even gained back some.


So, I am re-committing to my weight-loss today. I am holding myself accountable to my blog reader. I weigh 209.7 lbs, as of this morning. I have about* 20 lbs. to lose.


I ran this morning. It hurt. I have been really lax in my running lately, and so my conditioning is starting over, in a lot of ways. I plan on doing some more exercise this evening after work. Maybe one of the P90X workouts.


I've been pretty good on food today. If it weren't for the potato chips I ate after lunch, I would have had an amazing food day.


* I say 'about 20 lbs.' because I don't really know where I want to stop. I depends on muscle gain and overall appearance.

Whaling Adventure

We went to California this weekend to see the blue whales, all for Katy's birthday present. I'm talking about actual blue whales, here. The biggest animal EVAR! And we saw some. Big ones.

Having seen gray whales a few months ago, I was excited. I was awed by the hugeness of the gray whales, and I knew that the blue whales would be bigger. But how much bigger...wow...massive.

Here are some pictures that don't do the amazing creature justice.

After following this particular pair of whales for a few minutes, and getting only a long of glimpse, and a few crummy pictures, a boat full of partying drunkards came speeding through. This caused our whale friends to dive deep, change direction, and stay under for a long time, all in an attempted to ditch them (and us, unfortunately).

Well, we found them again, got off a picture or two, and the partying douche bags were back. Once again, we were searching for our whales. It went on and on like this for about 2 hours, until our allotted cruise time was up and we had to head back. We got to see a few dolphins on the way in.

The whole experience, though we did get some 'good' looks at some blue whales, left all 150ish of us pretty disgruntled about this particular boat load of jerks. Why did they have to screw with a bunch of people that were trying to have a good time. A good time they paid for. Why do some people "want to watch the world burn," as Nolan put it. That particular behavior is what is wrong with the world. Seriously.

Well, we still enjoyed ourselves. I got a little sunburned. And our little Katy-bug got to see her whales, even though she spent most of our ocean voyage sick below decks. She had been feeling off all morning, and the boat sent her over the edge, I guess. It was unfortunate that she missed most of the whale viewing, since the trip was for her. Maybe one day we can bring her back and do it again. And have a better overall experience.

The last part of our adventure involved getting back home. We were quite stuck in California. We'd flown out on JetBlue, on stand-by. But when we tried to fly home the same way, all the flights were full. So were Delta's, and the rest were too expensive (no non-rev agreements). We ended up driving home all of last night. A good 11 hours in the car.

It's Been a Long Time Coming...

Tauni has been asking me why I haven't blogged much lately. The truth is, I've been too busy and too tired.

I work about 14 hours a day, and the rest of my time is spent eating, exercising, sleeping or spending time with my family. It leaves little time for much else. And, I'm a little afraid that I'm in a graveyard spiral with my current work schedule. I hesitate to say anything, because I don't really want anyone to know how tired I really am. But the people close to me already know, at least somewhat, so it's really no big secret.

While my health, sanity, and happiness are suffering, our finances are finally improving. Barely. We were sinking fast with my general inability to keep a job. Now, we are holding steady, with some prospects for actual improvement on the horizon. Which is what is keeping me going, at the moment.

You see, the only thing I really want in this world right now is to support my family. I want to win enough bread to feed the sharks at my door. And I want Tauni to be able to quit her job and be a full-time mother again.

Tauni saw me playing a computer game yesterday and voiced some concern. You see, to her, I only play computer games when I'm depressed. Luckily, that isn't completely true, or I would have been considered chronically depressed since I was about twelve. But, there is a little grounds for worry, I guess. Though I'm not depressed, I am finding it hard to fully unwind from the world each evening. Which contributes to my intermittent insomnia and a general deterioration of my temperament and sanity.

On top of it all, I think I've lost myself a little bit. A few months back I was on the fast-track to self-improvement actualization. I was doing better in almost all aspects of my life that mattered to me. But now...now I am stalled or back-sliding. In other words: If the secret to happiness is to live by what you believe, then I'm not happy.

For those of you reading the above paragraph, do not assume that I mean any extremely grievous sins. But I've almost completely ignored that banner thingy on the left (my standard) for the past several weeks, while at one point I was repeating it, or parts of it, to myself several times a day.

Now I am changing things. The ones I can, anyway. I'm taking hold of what sanity I have left and using it to bring back a little happiness. I'm tracking my food and exercise again, which means I'm eating right and exercising again. I'm being better to the people around me, especially my family. And I am being better to myself. And I hope to make it last.

Nothing to Fear...

Fear, in all of it's many disguises, has been on my mind a lot lately. I thought on it a little in my late-night stupor-induced blogging about Ferris Bueller. Fear is a big theme in my life, unfortunately. That's why I want to blog about it.

I live each day in fear. I'm not afraid of spiders, flying, heights, falling from heights, needles, tight spaces, open spaces, rodents, reptiles, public speaking, pervy old men, girls named Carrie, or even Santa Clause. What I am afraid of is much less substantial, less scary, and more debilitating. I'm afraid of failure and success.

What I don't understand is "why?" Because, if I did understand it I wouldn't be scared. Isn't that what psychology is for? Someone listens to you ramble about your problems until you figure them out for yourself? Once you get to 'why'...BAM! CURED! Right?

It would make my life easier, in some ways, to be able to sit down and say that I had a crappy childhood, or that I was sexually abused, etc. and some tears would flow. A gray haired fellow with his legs crossed the girl way would say "Ahh." and "Mhmm." a few times under his breath while doodling pictures in an official looking legal pad. I would pay him a couple hundred dollars and suddenly my life would be all better.

I do not mean to down play the importance of the noble profession of psychology/psychiatry, or belittle those that want/need it's particular breed of science. So, here is my other option:

I could have a short period, such as a few days or weeks, in which I would complete an archetypal story arc and through it all, my life would be permanently changed for the better. I would have a miserable go of it for a bit, and the audience would be emotionally vested in my successes and failures. Then I would have this great epiphany, or maybe save someone's life, solving all my problems.

After one of those possibilities, I would certainly be able to move forward with my life without my fears. I would suddenly be an unstoppable juggernaut of success. I would pity smaller men and their fears, laughing haughtily at all the world threw at me.

Alas, I cannot afford a shrink (nor do I really think that it is a quick fix), and I am not the protagonist in a movie. I'm a man in the real world. Sometimes I live all productively and happy, and life's darts seem to bound right off. Sometimes I am weaker and lower, and I'm pierced very deeply.

I battle on, trying to leave my dastardly, villainous fears behind me as I reach for the next success in my life. They creep in, though. Usually.

The jerks.

Now, how does one overcome fear? If you have a fear of heights, or spiders, or short people, it can be relatively easy. You can avoid them, or overcome them. But what about intangible fears, like mine? I can't avoid them, since I carry them inside me. The prospect of overcoming my fear of success through frequently succeeding seems like a more attractive prospect than overcoming my fear of failure the same way.

But, who knows, really? Rudyard Kipling says success and failure are both impostors. While I am inclined to believe him, he neglected to mention what they really are behind their masks. Maybe I'll get to ask him one day.

Hey, maybe I can just write a blog post about it and be cured? Maybe?

Hiking and Bueller

We officially kicked off summer. We went on or first mountain hike of the year. Well, it was technically in the mountains, but because of the unseasonal snow at the higher elevations, and the over-flowing, run-off fed rivers, none of our regular trails were available. We found a new one, barely outside the developed valley. And it was great.
Tonight once the kiddos were in bed, Tauni and I watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Well, I watched it while Tauni played Sudoku.
I have to say that, for a movie that turned 25 this week, it's still a really good flick. And I want to throw out the parting line from Ferris (not counting that little bit after the credits).
He said: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
I'm no movie our life expert, but I think that that sentence sums up the while film perfectly.
Now, how many us know someone like Ferris in the real world? Someone that can go out into the world and make it theirs? Someone that lives every second of their life because they aren't afraid?
How many of us know someone that has everything go wrong? Someone that send accident prone or unlucky? Someone that seems perpetually frustrated or angry, especially with the world?
Which one are you?
I know that I spend far to much of my life in fear and frustration. And worse, I'm teaching it to my daughters.
We found another geocache today, while hiking. Tons. Of. Fun. We are going to find us a bunch of geocaches this summer.

Geocaching and Grave Digging

This weekend is our yearly pilgrimage to all of my wife's family grave sites. At our first stop, her maternal grandparents in Duchesne, we did a little grave repair, which I'm sure had a few people wondering what we were up to.
We also did a little geocaching. Which was a lot of fun. With a fun little app on my phone we had a full blown treasure hunt. It took a few minutes to find, even once we arrived at the gps coordinates.
Then we headed back to the hotel for some swimming. There is some mexican church group staying at the same hotel. The pool was so dang full that it didn't matter if you knew how swim our not. But then they were all called to some kind of saturday night religious meeting in which a guy with no singing skill bellowed out "¡YO QUIERO MAIS!" at the top of his lungs. But, the pool was sudfenly usable.

The Art of Self-Compulsion

The lessons and discussions in church this morning got me thinking. And this post will be putting those thoughts to paper.

If you are reading this, whether you are religious or not, I how you stick with me. This post is about mankind, not religion or God.

We were taking about prayer, specifically about praying for our Heavenly Father to place specific opportunities in our lives. And it occured to me: what we are really praying for is to be compelledinto those opportunities.

For example, when we prayfor help being more humble, what we are really asking is for Him to make us humble. I think it is human nature to look fire someone to do the hard part for us. In some ways I think atheists have an advantage in this regard. They believe that there is no one there to help them, and so they are more motivated to act.

Now, I do believe in God. So, I do find myself sitting around waiting for asked-for blessings to start raining in on me.

But, this is wrong. Religious our not, atheist or Muslim, Jew, or Christian, you have to work on yourself. And for yourself.

Ok, now I want to leave theology behind and talk solely about people. I hope you're all still with me (is it funny that I pretend to have readers, our just sad?).

So, how do we, as the post title suggest, self-coerce? Or self-motivate? How do we move ourselves forward in lieu of waiting for others to do out for us?

I think that self-improvement is important to just about everyone. But I think our own motivations often slide around, between self-gratification, self-improvement, and sometimes even self-destruction. Actual selfless-ness is pretty rare, if not completely foreign, for most of us.

I'm rambling. Sorry.

Let's get back on track with an example. I want to learn to play the guitar. I've even made some really good starts in teaching myself. But, after years of owning a guitar, and all of the materials that I need to learn, why can I still not play guitar? Truthfully? I think it's because it takes actual effort on my part and no amount of waiting for someone to do that work for me if going to work. I can't just pray for it and suddenly rival Slash.

So what other personal improvements am I waiting for someone to do for me? I have no job. Maybe someone is going to just approach me and offer to hire me to do my dream job for an absurd amount of money. Yeah, I'm sure that's how it will happen. Or, maybe, if I go out there and do some searching along with my praying, I'll find something, an opportunity of some kind, to support my family financially.

I guess I don't really know what my point was in all this rambling nonsense. Maybe just that we need to stop waiting and start doing. Maybe this has just ben a whole lot of chewing myself out. I know I needed it.

Date Night - Sushi and Fair Game

After suffering through 3 hours of an elementary school carnival, Tauni took me out on a date. All the movies out right now look like cinematic excrement, so we just went to dinner, then rented a movie to watch at home.

First after wandering around town wondering where to eat, we headed to Wabi Sabi. We'd heard good things and wanted to try it out. Tauni is somewhat of a sushi virgin, and I'm none too experienced with it myself. But, we were daring and after long moments or indecision, ordered two sushi rolls and some gyosa. Both rolls of sushi contained raw tuna.  And they were delicious.

As a side note, just because you can eat wasabi peas by the handful, does not mean that you can take fresh wasabi and it in similar quantities. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Tauni almost got us kicked out of the restaurant, she was laughing so hard.

We both left stuffed, though we didn't get that much food. And, apparently, they don't let you take sushi home in doggy bags, so we had to leave a few sections behind.

We found a redbox and rented Fair Game, which turned out to be a pretty good movie. I am always impressed with Sean Penn's acting, even though he seems like such a douche in real life. The movie, is part spy flick, part government expose, and part drama. It makes you think a bit about government power, and how much they may or may not be abusing it. And it made be remember this quote:

"Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it." — Mark Twain

Most people think that country and government are one and the same. But, they are not.

I guess now I should probably go on record and say that I am not one of those anti-government conspiracy theorists. Do I think our government lies to us? Yeah, they do. Do I think they destroy families and peoples lives and mold data to fit whatever their agenda happens to be at the time? Of course they do. Was Bush a corrupt president? Probably, and I think Obama probably is too.

The problem we face as Americans is that we cannot believe anything we hear in the media. They, also, spin data to match their agenda.

The only way to get corruption out of government (and media) is to get corruption out of people. No matter how perfectly setup a system of government is, there will always be people that want to exploit any loophole or twist it for their own ends.

Aftermath

Well, I am sore today. I was already having some moob pain from a workout a free days ago, in which I introduced some new weight training type stuff.

But today, after last night's run, I am hurting. It was a race, afterall, and I pushed myself much harder than I normally do. Surprisingly, most of the pain is localized in my calfs and ankles.

I guess I know where to focus on future workouts. Once I've healed, that is.

Today's workout I actually had to warm-up before I could run. That's how bad it was. Generally, I just take off jogging at a good pace, then adjust from there. I got the blood flowing and was soon running, did some weights (the same pain inducing sets as before), and then some stationary bike.

I don't think anything helps the body heal quicker than getting the blood flossing through it faster.

And now I am home again, needing to continue with actual life related thing, instead of laying on my bed, blogging on my phone.

First* 5k, of many.

* It was my first 5k since I was 16 years old running Cross Country in High School.

Tonight was the Brookwood Elementary Fun Run/5k. And it was the first running race of any kind that I have been in in over 15 years.

I won...sort of.

My time was 22:30, which I am pretty psyched about. I doubt I have any chance of ever reaching my former levels or cross country prowess. But, I think about how I was 40 lbs. fatter a few months ago, and couldn't run 50 feet without dying of a heart attack, and I'm pretty happy with where I am now.

I won, first place in my age group, 'younger' adults. But I only got 7th place, overall. The sad thing was that I was beaten by two old guys (40+), two 6th graders, and two teens. And the first female runner finished only about 30 seconds behind me. But, I'm happy. I was really only racing myself, to see how good I could do, time-wise, and to set the bar for my next race.

I need to also mention that my wonderful girls also participated. In the little half-mile fun run for the little kids, Elyse got second place out of the girl kinder-gardeners. She may have caught the running bug now, too.

Katy and Tauni, and Elyse, walked/ran most of the 5k. I appreciate Tauni sticking with the girls so that I could do a race speed run. I feel a little bad for Katy, who didn't get a medal. I've been trying extra hard to make her feel special.