Did Not Finish

My blog the other day brought back memories of another Cross Country race in high school.

I was part way through my sophomore year, my first year of high school and as a runner. Things were going well. I'd lost 20 lbs of fat and gained it back as muscle. The real races, against runners from other schools were just starting. It was at a home meet, that this story happens.

The race started like normal. I was as excited as ever to run. Maybe even more so. The signal was given and a few dozen teenagers took off. It felt good, and there was a lot of adrenaline in my veins for that first bit. I was on a familiar course with new opponents to gauge myself against.

By the time I was in the second mile of the 3.2, the adrenaline was gone, and I was left running on my own strength and determination. But I was holding strong. I knew I could do it. I'd done it before, afterall.

I started into the third mile and I was hurting. It was hard. I was winded and my side hurt and my legs were sore. It was too hard. Slowly, I convinced myself that something must be wrong. It shouldn't hurt this much.

Then I stopped.

I lay panting in the grass while other runners passed me by. A few of my teammates voiced concern for me. I waved them on. After a few minutes I got up and walked back to the starting line.

I got back and my coach immediately let into me. He didn't yell, but I could tell he was disappointed. I made my excuses and continued on the day.

The next day in school, I went into the coaches office and saw the big poster-board he'd made to track our times and such. Next to my name, in black sharpie, were the letters "DNF."

I was ashamed. I'd seen those letters before, by the names of some of my teammates, but not by mine. Did not finish. It was the mark of failure.

I ran for two years, the mile and 2 mile in Track, and the 5k in Cross Country. Never again did the letters DNF appear by my name.

I had another teammate whose drive amazed me. His name was Mike. One time, at a large invitational, meaning there were several schools and hundreds of runners, he placed very highly in his race. Despite sharp pain in his leg, he ran. Only after the race did we discover that his leg was broken. He had a stress fracture that ran from the top of his Tibia to the bottom.

He ran 3.2 miles on a broken leg.

That, my friends, is determination. We should be just at strong.

Moving Forward

I have recently, in an effort to make my life a little more fulfilling, set some new goals. They are a few things that  I want to do, and that I think will make my life better.

Here they are:

1. Run in and finish the Utah Valley Marathon on June 9, 2012. If I can also qualify for the Boston Marathon at the same time, that'd be shiny.
2. Exercise 6 days a week. This should really be a sub-bullet to #1, since they are pretty closely tied. 
3. Get a six-pack. Abs, not beer. Also maybe tied to #s 1 and 2. 
4. Write a book. A novel, really. And, though not specifically one of my goals, I would hope to get it published as well.
5. Write every day. Again, a goal tied to the one above it. But I won't make the big ones without the small ones. Hopefully I can get this blogging thing down a little better as well.
6. Buy a house. You know, to live in.
7. Forsake caffeine. Forever.
8. Graduate from College. This one is a tough one. I don't believe that the established collegiate education system is in any way a good one. But, after you jump through their hoops, they give you some fancy TP with your name on. That worthless piece of paper somehow makes you earn more money in life.
9. Research, develop, and implement a retirement preparation plan. Sure, I probably wont live that long, but it's better safe than sorry. And I want my loved ones taken care of.
10. Find a way to serve someone everyday. There's nothing like taking the focus of your life of your self to gain a little perspective. I also truly believe that loving and helping others is the only way to make it into the upper echelons of heaven.

That, Ladies and Gents, is my list of goals for the foreseeable future. I am sure that things will be added and taken away as life moves forward. But, you can only really say that you are moving forward if you've actually established a direction you want to go. It's time to stop wandering.

Why I Want to Lose the LBS

For the second day in a row, I am stealing from 125. I'm not sorry for it. I figure the link counts as adequate payment.

Now to my highly organized and bulleted list of the reasons I want to lose weight. Just to inform you all, every item listed is something I have thought long and hard about, not just made up to blog about. We both (my one reader and I) know that I would never stoop so low.

• I want to FEEL healthy. The difference between how I felt 9 months ago and today is about as drastic as I can imagine. I couldn't run more that a dozen meters, I felt tired and sluggish and all I ever wanted was to stuff my face with junk food. Now, though tired from lack of sleep, I can run for miles without a problem, I am stronger and feel fitter. I am more agile and get sick less. I imagine that losing the rest of the weight will be another, somewhat less drastic, change.
• I want to LOOK better. I will never be a handsome man, no matter how healthy I am. I would literally need more help than modern medicine is prepared to give, at any price. I wasn't blessed with good looks to begin with, and the mutilation of my face with a freeway didn't exactly make it better (although, the face scars automatically qualified me for a Man Card at an early age). However, I do think that I can have a good looking body. Despite my advanced years, I really want to see my six-pack again. I know it's in there somewhere.
• I want to be judged positively. This is a weird one, I know. I have seen for years, and participated in it as well (much to my shame), the judgement of people based on appearance. Just about everyone does it. It's wrong, whether they judge nicely or not. Since I know people will judge me based on my looks, I want to have a physique that will cause them to judge me as hard working, intelligent, etc. Overweight people are immediately judged by most people to be lazy and ignorant. It's wrong, and doesn't apply to any overweight person I know. But there it is.
• Don't let the kids/prudes read this one. Consider yourself warned. I want better sex. Healthy skinny people have better sex. Plain and simple. My sex life and satisfaction has improved as my wife and I have lost weight. I assume that I can get even better. And perhaps more acrobatic. *wink*
• I want to be an athlete. I want to run faster, jump higher, and lift more. I want to run in 5k's, 10k's, half-marathons, and even (*shudder*) marathons. Well, maybe just marathon. And I want to learn Kung Fu.
• I've always seen myself as a protector. Or, I guess I should say, I have always felt that it is my calling to protect others. So much so, that I almost joined the military. Obese people aren't protectors. They cannot move fast enough to respond to danger. I've seen it, so don't argue. There are obviously varying degrees of obesity, however, the better shape you are in, the more equipped you are to act in a given situation.
• I want to help other people lose weight. I don't want to be a personal trainer. But, perhaps people who knew me fat will see me skinny and ask me how I did it. And when I tell them "eating right and exercise," they won't get snarky and slink away.
• It's part of my overall health plan, which also includes spiritual, mental, and social healths. I live by a relatively strict health code, and though not expressly forbidden, I believe that living within a healthy weight range is implicit.
• To prove the nay-sayers wrong. There are two kinds of nay-sayer. The first kind says it can't be done. Such as "you will never reach your goal of ___ lbs." The second kind says it doesn't need to be done. They say such things as "you don't have any more weight to lose." Both drag you down and demotivate you. I will do it, of for no other reason (even though I just list like 7) than to flash my six pack and say "I did it, $%@$#-canoe."
• I want to set a good example for my children. This one is pretty straight forward. The best way for my kids to learn how to live a healthy life is by my teaching them. Setting the right example is a major part in that.

So, some of my reasons are pretty shallow. Some, I hope, are not-so-shallow. This is my first time ever listing my reasons for losing weight. In written form, at least. It proved to pretty cathartic.

If you read this (then I'm married to you, haha), please let me know what you think.

Oh, and I need to add pictures to my posts more often, so here you go:

And if you buy me the shirt that this is from, I'll love you forever. Seriously.

Aftermath

Well, I am sore today. I was already having some moob pain from a workout a free days ago, in which I introduced some new weight training type stuff.

But today, after last night's run, I am hurting. It was a race, afterall, and I pushed myself much harder than I normally do. Surprisingly, most of the pain is localized in my calfs and ankles.

I guess I know where to focus on future workouts. Once I've healed, that is.

Today's workout I actually had to warm-up before I could run. That's how bad it was. Generally, I just take off jogging at a good pace, then adjust from there. I got the blood flowing and was soon running, did some weights (the same pain inducing sets as before), and then some stationary bike.

I don't think anything helps the body heal quicker than getting the blood flossing through it faster.

And now I am home again, needing to continue with actual life related thing, instead of laying on my bed, blogging on my phone.

First* 5k, of many.

* It was my first 5k since I was 16 years old running Cross Country in High School.

Tonight was the Brookwood Elementary Fun Run/5k. And it was the first running race of any kind that I have been in in over 15 years.

I won...sort of.

My time was 22:30, which I am pretty psyched about. I doubt I have any chance of ever reaching my former levels or cross country prowess. But, I think about how I was 40 lbs. fatter a few months ago, and couldn't run 50 feet without dying of a heart attack, and I'm pretty happy with where I am now.

I won, first place in my age group, 'younger' adults. But I only got 7th place, overall. The sad thing was that I was beaten by two old guys (40+), two 6th graders, and two teens. And the first female runner finished only about 30 seconds behind me. But, I'm happy. I was really only racing myself, to see how good I could do, time-wise, and to set the bar for my next race.

I need to also mention that my wonderful girls also participated. In the little half-mile fun run for the little kids, Elyse got second place out of the girl kinder-gardeners. She may have caught the running bug now, too.

Katy and Tauni, and Elyse, walked/ran most of the 5k. I appreciate Tauni sticking with the girls so that I could do a race speed run. I feel a little bad for Katy, who didn't get a medal. I've been trying extra hard to make her feel special.

Oh, lordy, my nips hurt!

I guess it's something that I'd conveniently forgotten from my days of running cross-country in high school. Or perhaps I repressed the memory, like I do with all horrible things.

Either way, I certainly recall it now:

running = chaffing

I'd become reacquainted with the chaffed inner-thighs thing a few months ago, and got some new undies that took care if it.

Over the last few weeks, I've experienced some new chaffing. On my nipples. And it's getting worse. Seriously, it's like running in sand-paper shirts.

I hear there is some sort of roll-on anti-chaffing stuff, like a deodorant stick. As soon as I figure out where to buy some, I most definitely will do so.

New Shoes

I got sacked today. But that sucks monkey balls, so I'm not gonna talk about it.

I got some new shoes today. My running shoes, of the cheap Wal-mart variety, exploded mid-workout a few days ago. Since then I exercised in them once, which resulted in a severely bruised heel and sore shins.

Here is a pic of the crappy wally world shoes.

They have definitely been well used. I think I put about 150 run miles on them, plus I wore them for a few years just to walk around in back when I was a lazy fatso.


We had a $50 gift card to Cabela's that we decided could help me out. And help it did. There was one pair left of last years Under Armor running shoe, and it was clearanced out for...$49.99...FATE I TELL YOU!

So, we bought them, they're sexy and comfy and I can't wait to run in them.

Here is a pic of the damage to the old shoes. The visible damage, at least. The damage to my foot and shins tells me its a bit more extensive than what you see here.

With the previously mentioned employment loss, we are kind of looking into some belt tightening options again around here, so it almost felt like a luxury purchase, to get the new shoes. But I needed them in order to continue working-out regularly. And it was a Cabela's gift card, so really, it was this or bullets. And someone in my mental state should not be buying bullets (kidding, sheesh).

Anyway, I think I am going to start logging exactly how many miles I run in a pair of shoes, before I send them to shoe heaven. Not that it is important information, just that I think it would be cool to know. And it kind of gives me another reason to track how far I run each day, week, month , year, decade, century, millennium...

I track my running at dailymile.com, by the way. I could use more friends over there, so if you run, want to run, or want people to think your run so you'll look cool, then get over there, sign up, and add me a friend.

Here is the new hotness. They're almost to sexy to run in. The fuzzy leg stickin' out of it ain't too bad either. Raaawrrr...


We'll good night, cruel world.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna walk all over you, for a change.

"What Caused You to Get Fat?"

On one of the forums that I frequent, one geared towards weight-loss and healthy living, someone asked the question “What caused you to get fat?” Instead of answering there, I thought I’d blog about it.

I read through a slew of excuses. People blamed kids, injuries, over-eating, depression, laziness, and even gremlins. You can go read the thread here. Or just skip it. I would.

The thing is, no my own weight gain sneaked up on me. I gained weight because I wasn't paying attention. One day, I was the picture of health. The next day, a few years later, I was a mush ball of goo, more like a picture of fuzzy jello. That isn't exactly true, and there were many contributing factors, including the above mentioned (except maybe the gremlins). But the biggest contributor was that I wasn't living my life. Life was running me, and I was just going through the motions.

I can't say that one day I just woke up and said "@$%&, I'm fat!" Because I didn't. I didn't even wake up and say "@$%&, I'm not living my life!" It was a long process. Or, I should say, it has been and continues to be a long process.

I started waking up around Christmas 2010, and still doing so. And it is changing my whole life, not just my fitness level. I slide, on occasion, or often, back into old habits. Much of this week has been like that, leaving me pretty angry with myself.

That's how I got fat.

So Flippin' SORE

I thought that, having worked out regularly, with running and lifting weights, that I was past the phase where your muscles would hurt for the next few days after a workout. I did, however, find a new way to make me hurt: Biking.

Seriously, my back muscles, leg muscles, butt muscles, etc all hurt today.  A lot.  What was I thinking?

I guess I have a long ways to go before I am ready for my April 9th bike ride.

Tauni, it might be a good idea to take out a large insurance policy on me before then. Just sayin...

Sub 220

Pounds, that is. As in the unit of weight measurement. This morning, I weighed in at a somewhat fluffy 218.9 lbs.

That is a total weight-loss of 30.1 since Christmas.

Yesterday, I was pretty discouraged by life, in general. I was down on myself and the way things were going with my job. And, I was felling extremely unmotivated. Even repeating my Standard in my head, and occasionally out loud, didn't seem to help much.

So, I decided that to turn myself around I would go running as soon as I got home. I almost didn't do it though. Life and family, the former being aggravating, the latter enticing, were trying to stop me.

But I went. And it was awesome. I ran about 3.2 miles, my longest run since I was a junior in high school. And I tackled a mega hill. It felt really good.

And then, to top it all off, when I got home I got the best news I had heard in a long time: My wife doesn't have cancer. The awesomeness was definitely on the rise at this point.

Following this morning's awesome weigh-in, I went to the gym and tore it up some more. Then I came to work, which is where I am writing this. So far, it's been pretty good too.

Here's to an amazing day.