New Shoes

I got sacked today. But that sucks monkey balls, so I'm not gonna talk about it.

I got some new shoes today. My running shoes, of the cheap Wal-mart variety, exploded mid-workout a few days ago. Since then I exercised in them once, which resulted in a severely bruised heel and sore shins.

Here is a pic of the crappy wally world shoes.

They have definitely been well used. I think I put about 150 run miles on them, plus I wore them for a few years just to walk around in back when I was a lazy fatso.


We had a $50 gift card to Cabela's that we decided could help me out. And help it did. There was one pair left of last years Under Armor running shoe, and it was clearanced out for...$49.99...FATE I TELL YOU!

So, we bought them, they're sexy and comfy and I can't wait to run in them.

Here is a pic of the damage to the old shoes. The visible damage, at least. The damage to my foot and shins tells me its a bit more extensive than what you see here.

With the previously mentioned employment loss, we are kind of looking into some belt tightening options again around here, so it almost felt like a luxury purchase, to get the new shoes. But I needed them in order to continue working-out regularly. And it was a Cabela's gift card, so really, it was this or bullets. And someone in my mental state should not be buying bullets (kidding, sheesh).

Anyway, I think I am going to start logging exactly how many miles I run in a pair of shoes, before I send them to shoe heaven. Not that it is important information, just that I think it would be cool to know. And it kind of gives me another reason to track how far I run each day, week, month , year, decade, century, millennium...

I track my running at dailymile.com, by the way. I could use more friends over there, so if you run, want to run, or want people to think your run so you'll look cool, then get over there, sign up, and add me a friend.

Here is the new hotness. They're almost to sexy to run in. The fuzzy leg stickin' out of it ain't too bad either. Raaawrrr...


We'll good night, cruel world.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna walk all over you, for a change.

Funk - Invictus

So...I've been in a bit of a funk. Not the self-destructive kind that I have plagued myself with in the past, but still a funk. I have felt demotivated and discouraged, and above all, tired.

I need a success. I need a little glimpse of glory to spur me forward and shake off the chains that are pulling me down.

I need a victory. Specifically, I need a victory at work. A big one. One of the save-my-job-or-get-a-new-one kind of victories.


In honor of my special needs I am posting my favorite poem. And, for the record, it was my favorite long before they made a movie named after it.

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance	5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,	10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:	15
I am the captain of my soul.

I have, always loved that poem, since the first time I read it.

If you read this, respond with an inspiring poem of you own.

"I'm not scared anymore. This is fun!"

For a little fun and exercise, I took my little girls out to ride bikes down by the Jordan River, while my big girl was working. Lyse (the bottom-right zombie in my previous post) has been struggling to learn to ride her bike. While in most things she is a little too brave, when it came to bikes, she's been scared.

We've tried it before, me running with her while she pedals, trying to get her to balance herself. But I couldn't keep it up for long, and she was scared. This time though, we went for nearly 3 miles, almost non-stop. It's about time I used all that exercise for something good.

After about a mile, while I was still running beside her with a hand on her neck, she said "Daddy, I'm not scared anymore. This is fun!" She was still wobbly and struggling to keep her balance. But she was enjoying for a change. After another mile, I let go.

And she kept going!

She only went maybe 50 feet before she started to wobble a bit, so I put a hand on her back again.

"I DID IT!" she yelled. "I'm so proud of myself."

Soon, I let her go again, and she went further. And further. And she went almost all of the final mile all on her own.

When we got home, Tauni was on break, so she got to show her mommy how awesome she is. We still have to work on getting started, and stopping. Especially stopping. But we're getting there.

My Family, Zombie Syle

We Mormon zombies, so we'll say a blessing before eating your brains.

I've been having too much fun with a little app on my phone. It's called ZombieBooth, in case you're interested.

"What Caused You to Get Fat?"

On one of the forums that I frequent, one geared towards weight-loss and healthy living, someone asked the question “What caused you to get fat?” Instead of answering there, I thought I’d blog about it.

I read through a slew of excuses. People blamed kids, injuries, over-eating, depression, laziness, and even gremlins. You can go read the thread here. Or just skip it. I would.

The thing is, no my own weight gain sneaked up on me. I gained weight because I wasn't paying attention. One day, I was the picture of health. The next day, a few years later, I was a mush ball of goo, more like a picture of fuzzy jello. That isn't exactly true, and there were many contributing factors, including the above mentioned (except maybe the gremlins). But the biggest contributor was that I wasn't living my life. Life was running me, and I was just going through the motions.

I can't say that one day I just woke up and said "@$%&, I'm fat!" Because I didn't. I didn't even wake up and say "@$%&, I'm not living my life!" It was a long process. Or, I should say, it has been and continues to be a long process.

I started waking up around Christmas 2010, and still doing so. And it is changing my whole life, not just my fitness level. I slide, on occasion, or often, back into old habits. Much of this week has been like that, leaving me pretty angry with myself.

That's how I got fat.

Why's it always gotta be FOOD?

Okay, I'm not trying to put down something nice that someone else did for me. I really do appreciate it. Just, in the future, let it not be food.

My in-laws took our little family, as a birthday present to my wife and I, out to dinner tonight at a Brazilian restaurant. It was delicious. I served the Lord for two years in Brasil. I love the people and the food. It was a great gift, for a guy that hasn't committed himself to becoming healthy and losing all of the extra weight he's been carrying around.

My real annoyance is this: That every little milestone in life must be commemorated with oodles of fatty, sugary foods.

Why?

Why are we so addicted to stuffing our faces at every happy, sad, or mildly interesting occasion?

Okay, actually, I do know why. But I want to break out of that. I no longer want anything to do with it. I don't want cake on birthdays, or popcorn at movies. I don't want funeral potatoes at funerals. Or that soapy tasting chocolate shaped like a temple at weddings. Candy and chocolate at Easter, Halloween, Valentines and Christmas. I want out. From all of it. I was as guilty as the next guy of pushing the fatty, sugary, chocolaty treats. How many times did I buy a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day for my wife, while she struggled to lose her extra pounds. What a horrible husband I was.

I do want to continue to enjoy the occasional dessert, in moderation. I'll have a chocolate something or other, or a few Ju-Ju Fruits (Twinkies and jelly beans are banned forever). But I don't want them nearly as much as they are pushed at me.

Let's, instead of having cake, play games. Instead of chocolate bunnies, lets spend time together. Instead of fudge and chocolate dipped pretzels for your neighbors, how about a bowl of fruit, or a heartfelt gift.

Now, I just need to be careful climbing down off this soapbox...

...and onto a treadmill.

Happy Birthday to my Love

Today is my beautiful, wonderful wife's birthday. I will not announce her age, as she may physically harm me.

Besides her increasing oldness, let me tell you a little about Tauni. Her amazing-ness extends beyond her longevity. She is also a wonder mom to our two beautiful daughters. She is a wonderful wife to me. She is an amazing person overall.  I have never met a more caring person.  She inspires and encourages me to be better, and is almost always patient with me when I'm not.

Tauni, I fall more in love with you every day.

And just for funsies, here is a picture of the birthday girl that I took of her last night at the Hoedown:

She's the one with the coy little smile.  She's a cutie, ain't she?

Hoedown

Tonight I had the delight to dance with my wonderful Katy at her 3rd grade hoedown.

So Flippin' SORE

I thought that, having worked out regularly, with running and lifting weights, that I was past the phase where your muscles would hurt for the next few days after a workout. I did, however, find a new way to make me hurt: Biking.

Seriously, my back muscles, leg muscles, butt muscles, etc all hurt today.  A lot.  What was I thinking?

I guess I have a long ways to go before I am ready for my April 9th bike ride.

Tauni, it might be a good idea to take out a large insurance policy on me before then. Just sayin...

Bad Weekend Remorse

I ate bad this weekend. Especially on Sunday. The regret that hit after each morsel of food I stuffed into my mouth didn't deter the next morsel at all. What is wrong with me? Seriously...

Well, to make up for my horribleness yesterday, I am being extra hard on myself today. I burned almost 1000 calories this morning before work, and so far have eaten a total of 677 calories. So, I am still in a deficit. And, I plan to end the day in a deficit, as I plan on working out a little more this evening. And nothing, unless it is absolutely healthy, is going in my mouth today. For the rest of the week I wont be as extreme, but today, I need punished.

I also signed up for the Front Runner Metric Century (100km) bike ride on April 9. That's 62 miles, for us Americans. So, this week you will see some stationary bike added to my workouts, as I do not have access to a real bike. I need to find one, though.

I'm also, if I can swing the $100 entrance fee, planning on running Ragnar this year.  That, and if I can get a Friday off work.

I am working to get the weight off, get in shape, and to look super sexy*. It's a long, uphill road. But it was a longer downhill glide that got me here.



*Actually looking even remotely sexy in any way is beyond my physical limits, even at peak physical condition. The best I can hope for is to no longer scare small children.

Sub 220

Pounds, that is. As in the unit of weight measurement. This morning, I weighed in at a somewhat fluffy 218.9 lbs.

That is a total weight-loss of 30.1 since Christmas.

Yesterday, I was pretty discouraged by life, in general. I was down on myself and the way things were going with my job. And, I was felling extremely unmotivated. Even repeating my Standard in my head, and occasionally out loud, didn't seem to help much.

So, I decided that to turn myself around I would go running as soon as I got home. I almost didn't do it though. Life and family, the former being aggravating, the latter enticing, were trying to stop me.

But I went. And it was awesome. I ran about 3.2 miles, my longest run since I was a junior in high school. And I tackled a mega hill. It felt really good.

And then, to top it all off, when I got home I got the best news I had heard in a long time: My wife doesn't have cancer. The awesomeness was definitely on the rise at this point.

Following this morning's awesome weigh-in, I went to the gym and tore it up some more. Then I came to work, which is where I am writing this. So far, it's been pretty good too.

Here's to an amazing day.

Time to up the Awesomeness

I am only at about 80%  awesomeness today. While it is an increase of about 70% over this time last year, I'm down by about 15% from yesterday.

I apologize for expressing my current feelings that way. I'm in sales, and those are the type of numbers and figures I hear everyday.

Anyway, here's the deal: I wimped out of working-out this morning, which I really needed. I am suffering from some abdominal pain, like a pulled muscle, or something. I may have over done it yesterday morning, which is the only reason I can think of for the pain I've been feeling. The point is, however, that I was not strong. I had planned to swim laps, but I didn't even show up.

I think that not exercising set a bad rhythm for the day, as I haven't been doing particularly awesome at work either.

I need to turn today around, and I will. Starting now, I am at 113.7% awesomeness.

Why so Angry?

Since last Thursday I have been having some serious anger issues. I am so mad at the world.

Here is why:

1. Things aren't exactly going amazing at work. If I don't get my sales up, I'm fired.

2. My sister is going through a very bitter and difficult divorce and legal battle for her kids. The effects of which are devastating to all of us. My parents in particular seem emotionally crushed.

3. I haven't exercised our even eaten all that healthy all week. I understand putting personal needs asidefor the greater good, but I feel myself slipping into old habits, re-becoming the person I was. A person I don't want to be.

4. I don't have enough money to buy food, gas, or pay bills. Over the next few months I will have thousands to pay in hospital bills because:

5. (this one is the biggie) My wife, the love of my life, may be dying. We find out soon if this is the case. But, she might have a blood cancer. Her toroidal struet, medical tests and treatments, etc. are draining on us. Mostly on her, but there is also a huge strain on my kids and I.

So there you have it. When I pass you on the freeway and flip you off while profaning you, just know that I'm not really mad at you. If I call you an idiot for rushing into the elevator as soon as opened, even though there were people trying to get out, you are an idiot. But I shouldn't have said it.

And most of all, to my dear wife and kids, I'm sorry for yelling and being ornery. I'm not really mad at any of you. You are wonderful.